Installment Nine of the Ongoing Adventures of Tango Man
(Da Da Da DAAAAA –
He’s everywhere, he’s everywhere)
by Ace Dance Crime reporter Rudy Dancealot!
another typical Second Wednesday of the Month at the Rhapsody Ballroom.
Nothing new, nothing too exciting
here – just another escape from
reality at the monthly SouthernStar Chapter Dance. Life is good, life is
peachy, life is grand –
well at least as grand as can be expected
when one considers that our economy sucks, our government is totally
dysfunctional, our environment is going to pot, there are crazy people
stalking every street corner of our cities, the
elephants are going
to soon be extinct in Africa, there are wild fires, floods, drought,
hurricanes, typhoons, earth
quakes, sink holes, black holes, disease
and pestilence in every section of the world, and Starbucks is soon
take over the world – other than that, life is indeed quite
peachy (I think I just depressed myself – I am actually quite up
beat in real life).
of this complaining and moaning; let’s go inside.
indeed, things look pretty normal and reassuring inside the Rhapsody.
is playing the music,
Carla and Lelia
collecting the money, and the usual suspects
are on the floor dancing a sultry Rumba. In here, life really is pretty
(as long as you forget about what is going on outside – OK,
I’ll quit obsessing now). The little man is sitting in the corner
usual – why doesn’t he ever dance – no one seems to be able to answer
that question, but everyone is surprisingly
reassured by the rapt
attention that the little man in the corner is giving to the proceedings
of the ballroom.
Mike puts on an exceptionally beautiful waltz and couples are starting
to get up to dance when all of a sudden the lights
go dim, the
temperature drops by twenty degrees, and there is a palpable awareness
that total evil has just entered the room.
You guessed wrong, it is
not the infamous Man in Black.
In fact this evil entity makes The Man in Black look like a girl
trying to sell cookies as she helps an old crack addict across
the street. This entity is so evil that it makes Saddam Hussein
like Mother Teresa. This entity is sooo evil that when you look up the
definition of evil in the dictionary, it simply
picture of this guy. I know you are dying of suspense by now – you are
asking “Who can be that evil?” Well I will tell
you. It is Evil USA
Dance Nationals Guy. He has just entered the ballroom, and believe me,
he does not even make a pretense
Everyone has a panicked, fearful look on their faces.
Even the little man in the corner has an ashen look about his
see him start to get up to go to the back room to change
into his Tango Man costume as we have seen him do so many times
before as he squelches the shenanigans of The Man in Black. But the
little man in the corner hesitates; he realizes that even
is defenseless against the monstrosity of this evil. The little man in
the corner realizes that there is only one way
to defeat such evil,
and that is through the ballot box – we need to vote such absolute evil
Suddenly, as if by magic, the little man in the corner is standing in
the middle of the dance floor, on a soap box with a
begins his stump speech, “Fellow members of USA Dance, let’s take a
close look at Evil USA Dance Nationals
Guy. What has Evil USA Dance
Nationals Guy done for you as social and SouthernStar members? The
answer is, not a darn
thing. USA Dance Nationals Guy could care less
about the chapters and the social dancers around the country. It is you
I and the dues that we all pay that keeps Evil USA Dance
National Guy going, but we are entirely taken for granted. All Evil
USA Dance National Guy cares about is the young competitive dancers;
everything he does revolves around them, and
there is no recognition
or support for local chapters either on a national or district level.
And let’s talk about those dues
we pay Evil USA Dance National Guy
every year. Do you realize that not one single penny of your dues comes
back to this
chapter? A couple of years ago Evil USA Dance National
Guy decided that they were going to stop giving us even the small
proportion of the dues that used to come back to us, and that was that –
now Evil USA Dance National Guy gets it all. Oh there
is one thing
we get from USA National Dance Guy, that is a magazine, but does that
magazine represent you – of course not.
Your own president
made a number of submissions to the magazine with news about
but have you ever seen one of them in the magazine – you know the
answer to that.
next part may affect less of you on an immediate basis, but it is still
very important. Before Evil USA Dance National Guy
became so evil,
he used to sponsor a national championship competition that was very
affordable, was a celebration of
ballroom dance for all level of
dancers, and was a venue where dancers could watch and support each
other in an
affordable, friendly fashion. Now Evil USA Dance
National Guy thinks that it is more important to make a big splash on
so he holds the competition at very expensive sites, and he no
longer allow dancers to support each other because he
exorbitant prices to go watch your fellow dancers dance. Evil USA Dance
National Guy has done this despite
extensive protest from many
competitors, and has continued the same practice for the last four to
USA Dance National Guy is truly evil, much too evil for my friend Tango
Man to battle. The only way to fight Evil USA
Dance National Guy and
to get rid of the evil is to use the awesome power of the ballot. We
must stand strong as a
group and vote the evil out of office.”
that, the little man in the corner gets down off his box, and the crowd
goes wild with applause. Evil USA Dance National
Guy just stands
smirking. The little man in the corner does not look nearly as confident
as Tango Man typically does
after sending The Man in Black packing.
He knows that he needs all the strength and support of the good
members gathered around him to vote the evil out of
office – all he can do is hope that he has said enough.
Needless to say the rest of the evening was a bit of a downer, and that
is too bad because everyone was really looking
forward to the
entertainment which was going to be Chick ChicMasters and his Dancing
Leghorn Chickens. They supposedly
do a great Rockettes Kick line as
a finale, but they were not able to perform since they all flew the
stay tuned for further adventures of Tango Man (Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s
everywhere, he’s everywhere).
Author’s Note: This is a
fictional story, and there is no real Evil USA Dance Nationals Guy.
Strangely enough though, there
are soon going to be elections for
positions in the USA Dance National Committee.
The USA Dance National Committee is
made up of fine
individuals, and I am sure that they feel they are running USA Dance in
a way that best will accomplish their
The problem is that I do not believe their goals and our chapter
goals coincide. They are keeping every penny of your
dues, they have, in my opinion destroyed
the joy and camaraderie of dancing at
the USA Dance Nationals
competition, and worst of all, I truly believe that they offer nothing
to the chapters and take us and
our dues for granted. The next issue
of Amateur Dancer will have a ballot for the election of USA Dance
National Board members
and officers. Please consider voting, and if
you agree with me, please vote for a change of direction for USA Dance.
If you want
to talk about it, please feel free to approach either
myself, Nikki, Peg, or Mike – I think this is very important.
Jerry Dvorak (OK, now you know who Rudy Dancealot really is)