The Second Installment
of the Ongoing Adventures of Tango Man
(Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s everywhere, he’s
a warm sneezey night in Tampa. The oak pollen was so thick in the air
that you could cut it with a knife. In fact, the air was so thick that
you were so inclined, you could probably carve it into a butter
cow (You know about the butter cow don’t you? The one they carve out of
of butter every year at the Iowa State Fair- trust me, I’ve
seen it. It is a sight to behold. It makes you proud to be an American,
or at least an Iowan).
The catkins were falling from the same oak
trees. (What is that all about any way, why aren’t they called “oakkins”
or “acornkins”?). All in all it was a
miserable night in Tampa, and
the SouthernStar faithful were streaming into the Rhapsody ballroom in
the vain attempt to find some fresh air and
to dance a little with
the hope of clearing some of the goo out of their lungs. It was the type
of night where the dirty little secrets of Tampa
remained the dirty
little secrets of Tampa.
The scene inside the Rhapsody was much the same as always - subdued
crowd hoping to bring a couple of hours of fun and camaraderie into
otherwise bleak lives. There were the usual suspects on the
dance floor. Glen and Lurlene were in the far corner dancing a Foxtrot.
working at dancing the prefect feather step. Glen has been
working on the perfect feather step for the last 30 years. When Glen
perfect feather step, he will probably stop dancing all
together and take up golf. Glen has much higher standards than most
who are content to just muddle through the steps.
As we look around the ballroom everything looks pretty normal, including
the wobbly little
man that is sitting in the far corner intently
watching the action on the dance floor. The little man has taken up
residence in the far corner for a
number of months now. Most people
have come to ignore him. In the back of their minds, they seem to
remember that there is something special
about him, that he has done
some rather extraordinary things, but right now there is such an aura of
mediocrity surrounding the little man in the
corner, that they just
can’t seem to remember what it is.
Suddenly the ballroom crackles with electricity.
Every one stops what they are doing and looks up in anticipation
– of what they do not know.
Suddenly the door flies open and in
strides the Man in Black. We
have been introduced to this character before; he exudes power, grace,
a certain mystery that makes him a very intriquing personality.
Carl & Lelia are manning the door this night. Lelia just bats her
gorgeous eyes and
tells him to walk right in, admission is free
tonight (NOT TRUE LELIA – another $8.00 lost to the SouthernStar
coffers). Carl is a no nonsense
kind of guy though, he is not overly
influenced by a pretty face, at least not when it belongs to a man. Karl
flexes his muscles and stands up to
get the entrance fee from the
Man in Black. As Karl confronts him, The Man in Black pulls out his
union card for the Amalgamated Brotherhood
of Black Clad Dancers.
Carl melts, he just can’t put the whammy on a fellow brother, they do
the secret union hand shake, and Carl lets him
pass (once again I’ve
got to say, that’s eight dollars. ).
Mike has got the music cranking and is
playing a really hot Cha Cha. Everyone watches as the Man in Black
struts a Latin walk over to Edie de Oliveira
and pronounces that he
needs a partner with smoldering Latin blood to dance this Cha Cha with
him. Edie, knowing that she has got all the Latin
agrees and moves onto the floor with the Man in Black. What
follows is a truly transcendental
experience. There is steam rising
from the two dancers as first they
complete the spicy Cha Cha and then move seamlessly into a sexy, sultry
The Man in Black is good, he
very good, but Edie responds in kind and matches him step for step to
put on a sexy show that has not been matched in the Rhapsody since
Stella and Marty performed their Naughty Christmas Bolero back in 2008.
The whole ballroom is mesmerized as Edie and The Man in Black hold the
final pose of the Bolero, their eyes locked in passionate embrace
mere inches apart. Mike puts on a Mambo. Edie’s eyes light up, this is
and she takes off ready to dance her behind off. But
wait, what dastardly, craven, evil is this? The Man in Black is DANCING
OFF TIME. He is purposely
forcing Edie to dance on the one rather
than the two. You can see that it is killing Edie because she knows that
the Mambo is danced on the two,
but the Man in Black is a very
strong lead and you can tell from the cold, steely glint in his eyes,
that he knows it too, but is enjoying forcing Edie to
time. Everyone is stunned except for the little guy sitting in the
corner. He jumps up and runs to the back room and dashes into the
bathroom. He makes it out of the bathroom much quicker than last time,
and we see that he has his own personal towel hanging out of his back
pocket (proof that Tango Man can adapt).
He once again is wearing a red cape,
red mask, and red patent leather Latin shoes.
He flies into the
shouts, “Never fear – Tango Man is here.
It is my goal to right all dance
Man does not even look at the Man in Black, rather he magically appears
at Mike’s side. Vaguely
reminiscent of “The Fonz” and the Juke Box
at Arnold’s, Tango Man
gives an indifferent back hand to Mike’s computer, and the song skips
exactly three beats to put the couple back on time.
All we hear from Tango Man is “Ehhhhhhhh” as he pulls a comb
out of his back pocket and straightens his side part.
On the other hand, the Man in
Black realizes that his
dastardly plans have been foiled again by that pesky Tango Man.
With a curse that should not be uttered in polite
the Man in Black once again mysteriously disappears into a flicker of
Tango Man feels satisfied that the immediate crisis
has been resolved, but he suspects that the
Man in Black will show up again with even worse
dance crimes on his
But never fear - the ever vigilant
Tango Man will be ready.
Please stay tuned for further adventures of
Tango Man (Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s everywhere, he’s everywhere).