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The Ongoing Adventures of Tango Man

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Installment Eleven of the Ongoing Adventures of Tango Man
(Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s everywhere, he’s everywhere)
by Ace Dance Crime reporter Rudy Dancealot!

Sorry, there are not going to be any adventures of Tango Man this issue; it seems that both our characters are off
enjoying the holiday season with adventures that do not include the Rhapsody Ballroom.

Tango Man will be spending the next month in a yak hide tent somewhere out in the middle of the North-Western
Steppes of Miragugastan. Tango Man is spending the time helping the small isolated group of traditional
Gugamanere goat herders who survive only in this desolated region of West Asia. The Gugamanere goat herders
are very appreciative of Tango Man. It seems that all the goat herders are female; all the males spend every
waking minute drunk on fermented goat milk. The female goat herders are quite amazed at a man that will help
with the goat herding. The Gugamanere goats are quite unique due to their symbiotic relationship with the Gugamacnere
Silk worm. It seems that this unique species of silk worm lives its life buried in the fleece of the Gugamanere goats.
Once the Gugamacnere Silk Worms have completed their life cycle, the Gugamanere goats are sheared; the fleece
and silk worm cocoons have the interesting property that the yarn woven from it is 50% Cashmere and 50% Silk. Some
of the precious yarn is kept to make prayer shawls for the men (they claim they drink the fermented goat milk and
wear the prayer shawls in order to get closer to the Gugamacnere Silk Worm god so that  their prayers for the success
of the Gugamacnere Silk Worm are more potent) and the rest is exported to make sweaters for very rich Westerners.

Tango Man is happy to help the goat herders and improve the reputation of men, but his real reason to spend a month
in this remote location is to study and learn the intricate traditional dance of the goat herders depicting the life
cycle of the Gugamacnere Silk Worm. It is danced to a song that is very similar to the Bolero and can be danced as
a line dance. Tango Man is tired of sitting in the corner of the ballroom, and he is hoping to teach this dance
to the members of the Rhapsody, so that when Mike plays a Bolero, they will all get up and perform this traditional
dance of the goat herders depicting the life cycle of the Gugamacnere Silk Worm, similar to the line dance
everyone participates in when Mike plays a Samba. It might just really bring all the people at the SouthernStar
dances into one close knit international community.

The Man in Black (TMIB) on the other hand, watched The Christmas Carol and at least temporarily, has seen the evil
of his ways. He has been trying to atone for his despicable actions by being a Bell Ringer for the St. Jude School
for Wayward Boys. He has been spending his days outside the combined 12
th Street YMCA and Celestial Bait
Shop. He has been doing pretty well, and has been only pocketing 37% of the charitable donations that he collects. 
The rest will be greatly appreciated by the St. Jude School for Wayward Boys to help in their construction of a ten
times life size memorial statue of St. Jude made entirely of crushed aluminum Heineken cans and copper wire
purloined from various construction sites throughout the county (some of the boys of St. Jude’s School for wayward
boys are still struggling with St. Jude’s message to give up waywardness). This project has kept the majority of
the wayward boys of St. Jude’s School for Wayward boys very focused and mostly out of trouble for over two years
now – life is good.

At night TMIB is singing Christmas carols with the combined 12th Street YMCA Gay Men’s and Reformed Dastardly
Doers Chorus. They are singing their Holiday selections in the various dives along 12
th Street, hoping to bring a little
Christmas joy and hope to the derelicts that frequent the numerous flop houses in that area. The intent is admirable, but
the result is often less than desirable – it is the season of hope and giving though, so we can only hope for the best.

All I’ve got to say is let’s give a hearty huzzah for the reformed TMIB – one has to wonder, though, if the great
reformation is going to stick after the love and charity of the season has passed. Only time will tell. At least if TMIB
has permanently reformed, Tango Man can take up the new avocation of going on the road giving demonstrations of
the Gugamanere goat herders depiction of the Gugamacnere Silk Worm life cycle that can be danced to the Bolero to

ballrooms throughout the country. It could catch on.

From all of us here in Tango Man world – hope each and every one of you had a glorious and peaceful Christmas
and New Year. May 2014 be the best ever.

Please stay tuned – I suspect that there will be further adventures of Tango Man (Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s
everywhere, he’s everywhere).