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The Ongoing Adventures of Tango Man

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The First Installment of the Ongoing Adventures of Tango Man
(Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s everywhere, he’s everywhere)

It was a cold, dark, miserable night in Tampa.  The Arctic Cold Front had come blasting through Florida as the personal emissary of Ice-eve-where the
Minsotan god of winter and bleak despair. His intent was to put the fear and respect of frigid temperatures into the local ‘girly-man’ residents that
complained when the temps dropped into the 50’s; it was enough to make a grown god cry.  But as the ‘Front’ came barreling past Tampa and looked
down to see the new Cheetah Coaster at Busch Gardens, (something that was not to be found very frequently at Mount Minsota) it figured this was a
pretty cool place and decided to stick around for a while to watch the riders.  The result was two days of mist, fog, cold, and very few people riding that
new coaster (now that’s irony for you).  Tonight was especially lousy; it was the type of night when what happens in Tampa stays in Tampa.

The scene is the eloquent Rhapsody Ballroom. It is a Wednesday night, and the ‘die hards’ are straggling in to dance for a couple of hours in the vain
attempt to forget about the troubles and woes of their real lives.  Frank is outside the door smoking a last cig before going in to treat the ladies with a
sensuous rumba or a titillating tango.  He gives a detached node and smile to those entering, as he keeps an envious eye on Stan’s new bike – it’s a
very mean ride.

The lights are low. Mike is playing the great music that he is so famous for, only occasionally sneaking in the Chinese Tango that has followed him
around for years now.  By all accounts, you would think that it is a typical SouthernStar Wednesday night, but you would be wrong.  There is an
anxiousness in the air.  There is an anxiety in the air. There is the feeling that something could happen after the next waltz, or foxtrot, or even cha cha -
something that could change the ballroom and those in it for ever.

We see Edie, Lou, Chris, & Kathryn sitting in the back corner of the food area discussing the advantages of applying the principle foot pressure to
either the outside or inside of the big toe when opening into promenade. As we leave the four, we hear Kathryn exclaiming, “Don’t forget the 4 P’s here –
don’t ever forget the principle of the four P’s” ( you know – posture, poise, … ah - pumpernickel break, ….. oh, I forget the rest of them, but they are
truly important) we look one table over and see a little man tucked away in the corner all alone.  He does not exactly look like a dancer type.  His legs
are thin and wobbly, his hair is slightly in disarray, his thick black glasses are slightly askew, and his breathing is slightly wheezy. It would be hard to imagine
him dancing the quickstep for more than a couple of measures before collapsing into an asthma riddled heap on the floor.  Indeed, he seems content to
watch others hoofing it around the floor with a certain intensity that seems ever so slightly out of place on this social occasion.

Suddenly the door flies open and in walks a tall, ravishingly, handsome man dressed all in black.  His bearing is regal, his movements are graceful; he
exudes confidence, sexuality, and power; his cuff links are diamonds cut in the shape of a dragon.  Beth is so overcome by his appearance, that she just
sits there with her mouth open and forgets to ask him for the entrance fee as the Man in Black arrogantly strides past her without so much as a glimpse in
her direction (I suspect that he is not a SouthernStar member so that is eight dollars we lost).  Everyone’s eyes are on the Man in Black as he approaches
Rose, kisses her hand sensually and escorts her on to the floor for a slow, ever so slow, I do mean really slow Foxtrot. The Man in Black bows to Rose;
they take up perfect dance position and begin to move.  But wait, what dastardly, craven, evil is this?  The Man in Black is DANCING AGAINST THE
LINE OF DANCE
. He is using Rose like the bumper on a bumper car to knock people out of the way. Oh dear, there goes Gordon in a pile under the
music stand.  Even big strong Stan the biker man is sent ass over tea kettle as the Man in Black and Rose approach him.  Everyone is stunned except
for the little guy sitting in the corner.  He jumps up and runs to the back room and dashes into the bathroom.  We wait a little longer than we probably
should as we hear the hand dryer running, and running, and running a little longer.  Finally he bursts out of the bathroom with his hands still slightly wet,
wearing a red cape, red mask, and red patent leather Latin shoes.  He flies into the ballroom and shouts, “Never fear – Tango Man is here.  It is my
goal to right all dance wrongs.” With the utterance of these famous words and a flick of his wrist, Tango Man seems to suddenly appear by Rose’s
side and manages to cut in on the Man in Black. Now moving in the correct direction, he dances Rose back to her seat with a graceful skill that you
would never have suspected that the little, slightly disarrayed man previously sitting in the corner could ever possess.  Rose swoons with excitement, ready
to do it all over again, but Tango Man knows better; to dance against line of dance is always a major “NO NO”.  Tango Man, not to be out done by the
Man in Black, kisses both of Rose’s hands, kneels to thank her for the pleasure of the dance and finally turns toward the Man in Black to let him know in
no uncertain terms what he thinks of his crimes, but the Man in Black has mysteriously disappeared into a flicker of mist.

Tango Man feels satisfied that the immediate crises has been resolved, but he suspects that the Man in Black will show up again with even worse dance
crimes on his mind.  But never fear - the ever vigilant Tango Man will be ready.

Please stay tuned for further adventures of Tango Man (Da Da Da DAAAAA – He’s everywhere, he’s everywhere).